Rules for life. Number three in an occasional series

There is no need to take seriously any country that has a fish* on its currency.

One-liner

Ornithology is for amateurs.

Joke

Q: What does an emotional B A Baracas say whenever he sees a rhubarb-based dessert?

A: I pity the fool.

Rules for life. Number two in an occasional series

Take care to walk through the correct door in a crematorium.

Minimalist joke

What?

Bad joke

I want to open a restaurant that serves only a certain type of fish. It would be called “Wholly Mackerel”.

Pet hate

I hate Satanists, principally because of the way their sacrificial rituals intimidate my menagerie of farmyard animals. They really get my goat.

Dog collar

My friend J, a son of a priest, said to me:

A dogma is for life, not just for Christmas.

Gordon Brown, PM

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is Prime Minister.

Blinding wit

“The RNIB [Royal National Insitute of the Blind] takes a rather dim view of that,” I said to my friend M.

He said: “The RNIB takes a dim view of everything.”