Top 5 singers who, if they started singing along with the radio in your car, you would tell to shut up

Bob Dylan
Everybody must get stoned, he sang, and how right he was. To sing the way he did and not think you were commiting an act of depravity requires either drugs or hearing impairment. He begins every song sounding as if he’s in incurable pain and by the end I know how he feels.

Leonard Cohen
Another wonderful lyricist, but when it comes to the vocals he’s just a Jewish Chris Rea. Could he not find anyone else to sing for him? Was he a 1960s version of Roger Hargreaves, the author of the Mr Men books, who couldn’t get anyone to illustrate his stories and so did the drawings himself? I should think even Roger Hargreaves sang better than Leonard.

Tom Waits
Some people get evangelical about Tom Waits. I think he’s a poor man’s version of Rowlf, the floppy-eared dog from The Muppet Show. His voice might be enviably gravelly, but I would be a lot happier if his careers advisor had told him to stick to government anti-smoking advertisements and a part-time job as Mr Gravel, a novelty after-dinner performer at conferences for the aggregates industry.

Morrissey
Not so much a singer as a prototype for the voices of the aliens in the film Galaxy Quest.

Mark Knopfler
Just how bad at singing was everyone else in the Dire Straits if they chose Mark Knopfler to be their vocalist? He didn’t sing, he spoke in rhythm. He was like Rex Harrison with a guitar. No matter how uncool Dire Straits become, they will always have a fanbase of middle-aged men who can sing along without worrying they won’t be able to hit any of the notes.

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