Why fleeces are evil

I don’t mind you wearing fleeces on mountains or boats. I concede that they might be of practical value to people who get a kick out of battling the elements, and besides, I won’t be able to see you. But what makes people think that they are acceptable for everyday use? Why cover yourself in shapeless man-made fibres when there are acceptable garments made from cotton and wool?

Fleeces are lighter, yes, but at what cost to style? If comfort and practicality were the bottom line in clothing we would all be wearing dungarees and leisure suits.

The fleece is the ultimate triumph of utility over aesthetics. Wearing one is the equivalent of keeping the plastic covering on the seats of a new car to keep it clean. It is as gauche as using address labels in the top right-hand corners of letters.

It is the shell suit of the middle class, the brown tights of the younger generation. It makes the young look middle-aged, and the middle-aged look ugly.

I know you fleece-wearers like to think you have liberated yourselves from the arbitrary values of the fashion industry, but you have gone too far. You have become a fashion Luddite with a nose cut to spite your face. Give up the struggle, comrade. Buy a jumper.

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