Our timetable might be haywire at weekends, a poster at the front of the Aylesbury to London train informs me, but that is only because of “track improvements”.
Now I may be as thick as the knot of hair blocking the plughole in Brian May and Anita Dobson’s bath, but even I can see that this is a gross euphemism. Improvements are when you make a competent thing better. Performing essential work so your customers don’t die is called repairs.
Travelling on Chiltern Trains is bad enough without being patronised by middle management functionaries. Credit us with some intelligence.
(originally posted June 7, 2004)