Apache indian

Native Americans are faring much better since they managed to find a collective name that doesn’t immediately conjure images of a savages with a penchant for ritual killing, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of the occasional atrocity.

viz the Apache Wedding Blessing, a piece of ethnic tat beloved of cheap wedding planners:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons but there is only one life before you.
Go now and enter into the days of your life together
And may your days together be good and long upon the earth.

(Helpfully supplied by Helen)

Apart from being as profound as saying “Have a good one, mate”, it is also nonsensical. How can neither of them feel the rain? As a metaphor for the strength of the family unit it is peculiarly inappropriate. The message is essentially that one of you will be exploited.

Just because Native Americans in films make extensive use of dramatic pauses doesn’t make their sayings deep. You might as well stand in the pulpit and say: “Let us smoke a while, Dances With Wolves.”

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