A funny thing happened on the way to the bus depot

A balding man struggles up the stairs of the number 25 bus talking on his mobile phone. “Don’t get me wrong, Dave,” he says. “I love you as a mate, I love you platonically, but you are a f***ing c***.”A woman sitting in front of him frowns but doesn’t say anything. She has, after all, just vomited in a Miss Selfridge shopping bag.

The seat next to the swearing man falls vacant. A man with a clipboard sits down. The clipboard holds a table of addresses with marks next to them and a key explaining the symbols. A smiley face means visit the flat again. An unhappy face means “dickhead”.

A couple get on at Tottenham Court Road, where the dire Ben Elton musical We Will Rock You is showing at the Dominion Theatre. He is dressed like the lead, Galileo Figaro. She is dressed as the love interest, Scaramouche. They are fans, not actors.

I witnessed all of this last night with my own eyes. Bless the number 25.

(originally posted on June 17, 2004)

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