Fuzzy logic

Perhaps, like me, you are concerned about what happens to television cop partnerships after their series come to an end. Do the policemen begin work with new buddies, and what happens if the by-the-book cops and mavericks end up paired together? Would Starsky and Makepeace constantly fail to apprehend criminals because of their unwillingness to deviate from procedure? Would Dempsey and Hutch bankrupt City Hall with endless lawsuits and ever-increasing car insurance premiums?

To calm your nerves, I have come up with a top 5 of spin-off series that would see our favourite cops happily into retirement.

Dempsey and MakepeaceDempsey and William Makepeace Thackeray
Jim Dempsey is the hard-edged gun-toting foil to Thackeray’s ultimate “by the book” cop. Although he is unsuited to street work, the 19th-century bobby’s arrest reports consistently top the bestseller charts.

Starkey and HutchZak Starkey and Hutch
Although constantly being yelled at by Captain Dobey for their scant knowledge of protocol, the pair are kept on the rails by Zak’s soothing rhythmical ability and anecdotes about growing up as the son of the second most interesting living Beatle and the time he appeared with Oasis at Glastonbury.

Cagney and LaceyCagney and Robert Lacey
When Mary Beth Lacey was reassigned to work with James Cagney, Chris Cagney teamed up with Robert Lacey, the royal biographer. Their oddball partnership inspired television executives to consider a return to the Cagney and Lacey formula, although the pilot, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang You’re Dead (Murder at the 21-Gun Salute), was not a success.

Bodie and DoyleBodie and Arthur Conan Doyle in The Professionals
A promising pairing that turned into a disaster as Doyle leapt to simplistic conclusions using his fallacious dictum: “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” Suspects confessed after being roughed up by Bodie, but were acquitted on appeal when judges ruled that Doyle’s reasoning was flawed on a metaphysical level because it assumed that the observer was omniscient.

Reagan and CarterRonald Reagan and Carter in The Sweeney
Carter doubts that the new boy has the stomach for the brutal style of interrogation he perfected with his former partner, Jack Regan. Indeed, during their first arrest Reagan fails to say “Shut iiiit” once. However, the couple soon bond as Reagan demonstrates his capacity for ethically-dubious arms deals and stern rhetoric backed up with nuclear force.

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3 Responses to “Fuzzy logic”

  1. pouletnoir Says:

    (Comment left by Imogen)

    I’m wondering what would happen if the (admittedly dead) Inspector Morse was assigned to work with Martyn “Cats in the News” Lewis.

  2. pouletnoir Says:

    I forgot to mention that after George Carter teamed up with Ronald Reagan, Jack Regan was reassigned to Jimmy Carter. The partnership enjoyed a honeymoon period when the duo laughed together about how prescient The Sweeney’s producers had been in naming the characters after two presidents (in 1975, five years before Reagan won the Republican nomination) but the joke soon wore thin.
    Carter undermined interrogations by chatting to criminals about how he had been a weak president because the executive branch languished in the shadow of Watergate, and the pair split for good when Regan punched Carter in frustration during a prolonged anecdote about the difficulties of peanut farming.

  3. pouletnoir Says:

    (Comment left by Tom L)

    I hear that Dr Watson has teamed up with Eamonn Holmes for a daytime television adaptation of the Hound of the Baskervilles.

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