For too long the potato has been allowed to exercise its hegemony over the humble cress. If you believe that solanum tuberosum and its cronies at the British Potato Council should have its jacket torn off and its eyes poked, join with me in song. This ditty, like the Band Aid single, will show the world that we will not tolerate cress’s plight.
(To the tune of Dedication, the theme to the children’s television programme Record Breakers.)
Mastication, that’s how you eat
If you wanna eat your cress
Under your own speed or duress
Ooh-ooh mastication’s what you need;
If you wanna be a salivator, ooo-oooh.