If vegetables were important


For too long the potato has been allowed to exercise its hegemony over the humble cress. If you believe that solanum tuberosum and its cronies at the British Potato Council should have its jacket torn off and its eyes poked, join with me in song. This ditty, like the Band Aid single, will show the world that we will not tolerate cress’s plight.

(To the tune of Dedication, the theme to the children’s television programme Record Breakers.)

Ooh, mastication
Mastication, that’s how you eat
If you wanna eat your cress
Under your own speed or duress
Ooh-ooh mastication’s what you need;
If you wanna be a salivator, ooo-oooh.

2 Responses to “If vegetables were important”

  1. rivergirlie Says:

    cress – what’s that all about? it’s a non-food really, isn’t it? i reckon in 20 years it will have died out altogether. then some fancy chef (maybe even gordon ramsay) will revive it – and it’ll be all posh, like samphire

  2. Le Poulet Noir Says:

    As soon as the cress marketing board gets going it will be all over Jamie Oliver’s country kitchen. Get growing your cress now in anticipation of rocketing demand and sky-high prices.

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