Top 5 villains’ careers before they were typecast

Ming the Mercantilist
Prior to growing his beard to a point and investing in a chest-revealing wardrobe, Ming was a single-minded advocate of a system of political economy based on accumulating bullion, establishing colonies and developing industry to attain a favorable balance of trade. However, he soon came to regard these as the follies of youth and adopted a fiscal policy based on the destruction of planets other than his own.

Conan the VeterinarianConan the Veterinarian
Despite five years study and two years in the field, Conan abandoned his interest in animal husbandry after catching his tiara in a cow’s vulva during a complicated breach birth. With a calf’s death imprinted on his conscience and a hoof-shaped indent imprinted on his ankle, he felt he had no choice but to hang up his stethoscope and take up the sword.

Vlad the Wholesaler
Before training for his better-known career of plunging stakes through Hungarians, Vlad had a plunging stake in a badly managed timber wholesaler.

Ivan the ConstableIvan the Constable
Ivan was poorly suited to life as a village bobby and he was soon kicked off the Force for insisting on both summary justice and capital punishment for traffic offences. His sacking proved fortuitous, however, since he arrived at the Job Centre just as an advertisment for Tsar of Russia was being put on display.

Mack the Midwife
Before his association with cutlery and multiple marriage certificates, Mack was more familiar (if not a dab hand) with a pair of episiotomy scissors and a sphygnomanometer. It was only when he began to get regular orders for afterbirth omlettes, a dish he was prone to overcooking, that he began to diversify into larceny and murder.

One Response to “Top 5 villains’ careers before they were typecast”

  1. pouletnoir Says:

    (posted by Tom L)

    The Bantam of the Opera
    Before discovering his musical genius and metaphysical powers the Phantom was employed to dress as a chicken and hand out pamphlets advertising the free range poultry products of the Paris Opera’s most influential sponsor, Bernard de Matthew.

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