Size matters

The National Trust and English Heritage have come up with a jolly wheeze that shows they’re down with the kids and up with technology. They’ve announced a plan to create the “biggest blog in history“. Marvellous. But hang on, what is the point? A blog is one of those things that does not improve with size. It’s like manufactuing the world’s biggest steam iron. A feat of engineering, certainly, but not much use for ironing shirts. What are the top five things that, while not intrinsically bad, are not better when bigger?

1. Noses. Rare is the rhinoplast who has been asked to give a patient the “largest nose you’ve got”.

2. Horses. Horses are wonderful creatures. They gallop, they whinny, they look good in nosebags. But Frankie Detorri never won the Gold Cup on a Suffolk punch.

3. Germany.

4. Post-It Notes. I’m not just looking round my desk. Well, I am, but it’s true. The world’s biggest Post-It Note would be rubbish. Even as a novelty door it would be a dreadful fire hazard.

5. Icebergs. Beautiful to look at and ideal for polar bears, but when Frederick Fleet, lookout on RMS Titanic, shouted “Iceberg right ahead!” he did not add: “Mind you, it’s a bit on the small side.”

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4 Responses to “Size matters”

  1. Tom L Says:

    6. Hip flasks. Unless attached to big hips. And even then …

  2. Tom L Says:

    7. Beauty spots cease to be attractive when they can be confused with an eye-patch.

  3. pouletnoir Says:

    7. Garr. Not for pirates, though.
    8. Shorts should not be longer than your legs.

  4. Tom L Says:

    9. The Denby Dale Pie Apparently, it’s the world’s largest. Doesn’t make it any tastier, does it?

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