The problem with sectarian chants at football matches is that they don’t make much effort to pinpoint the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. When Glasgow Rangers fans taunt Glasgow Celtic fans by singing “Have you had your chicken supper, Bobby Sands?” in reference to the death, 26 years ago, of the hunger-striking MP for Fermanagh & South Tyrone, they seem to have lost the idea altogether. Chanting about a political event in the early 1980s that was part of a distant and dormant conflict is no way to cheer on your team.
Here are five suggestions that put the schism back into the stands:
1. You’re not transubstantiating any more
2. The referee’s not infallible
3. You only make church sacraments when you’re winning
4. Hate the idea of women conducting the Eucharist, oh we hate the idea of women conducting the Eucharist
5. There’s only one apostolic succession (Yes, there’s only one apostolic succession etc)