Open letter to Tone Loc

Money is a bit tight at the moment, so I was delighted to discover that I could save on postage by writing open letters, cutting out the Post Office and their infernal “stamps” altogether.

Dear Tone Loc,

In your song Funky Cold Medina, you say: “This is the Eighties, and I’m down with the ladies.”

Do you mean to say:

a) You were uncertain about your sexuality in the 1970s, but found that any gay leanings were quashed as a by-product of Thatcherism and Reaganomics;

b) You had a newfound sympathy with feminist issues in the 1980s but recognised that you would become a reactionary in the 1990s with the advent of lad magazines such as Loaded and FHM?

Hope this reaches you safely.

Yours sincerely,

Le Poulet Noir

9 Responses to “Open letter to Tone Loc”

  1. rivergirlie Says:

    i’m so glad someone else (apart from me) is engaged in close textual analysis of quality lyrics. my own area of study is the oeuvre of marc bolan – ‘she ain’t not a witch and i love the way she twitch uhh-uhh-uhh’ being one of my favourites. a new layer of exquisite meaning is revealed with every listening.

    and i agree – stamps are wrong! and must be stamped out

  2. krkbaker Says:

    This is hilarious. I’ll be curiously awaiting his response. Kim

  3. pouletnoir Says:

    Rivergirlie: I agree. Why bother interpreting religious texts when the answers are clearly in Bolan.

    krkbaker: no reply from Mr Loc as yet. He may be thinking.

  4. BlackMagicWoman Says:

    First of all…

    I don’t think Tone Loc would or needs to explain himself…when it clearly states in the song…that he picked up a (so he thought) woman and it was a man…. thus the lyrics…

    I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena
    I thought she’d be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
    She said, I’d like a drink, I said, Ehm – ok, I’ll go get it
    Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
    So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
    But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
    So I threw him out, I don’t fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
    You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

    You know, ain’t no plans with a man
    This is the 80’s, and I’m down with the ladies
    Ya know?

    MEANING….He only does the “Wild Thing” with “Ladies”…

    End of story!!!

  5. pouletnoir Says:

    BlackMagicWoman – I agree that it is obvious that, in the 1980s, Mr Loc was keen on women. What is not explained, either in the song or in your comment, is why he bothers to mention the 1980s at all. The implication is that he either had a different attitude to women in the past or expected to have a different attitude in the future.
    Therefore the questions for Mr Loc remain: when did your attitude change, and what was it about the 1980s that inflluenced you?

  6. BlackMagicWoman Says:

    Answer: The 80’s is when he realeased his song Funky Cold Medina and basically it just rhymed with Ladies…nothing more….nothing less!…You go Tone Loc you still have the sexiest voice in the world!!!

  7. Tom L Says:

    “But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess”

    Tone was clearly complaining about some kind of post-operative swelling and scarification on the transsexual male he’d picked up at the club. Basically, if the surgery had been better, Tone wouldn’t have minded, right?

  8. Le Poulet Noir Says:

    Yes. The idea that he merely picks lyrics on the basis that they rhyme is preposterous.

  9. Tom L Says:

    Heaven forfend such a thing!

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