LOLcats don’t make me laugh out loud

I hate LOLcats, the practice of augmenting photographs of cats with infantile captions. I hate them so much it is difficult to find enough cognitive space between the hate to articulate why I hate them.

I hate them as much as I hate the Love Is… cartoons and Anne Geddes photographs, and for the same reasons.

I hate their gaudy sentimentality and simpering witlessness.

I hate the way they subvert creativity into mawkishness.

I hate that they’re so popular, because it means that the world is full of people who think that baby-talk is endearing and that cats have complicated personalities. (They don’t. Cats that ignore people are not exhibiting independence. They merely lack understanding of social behaviour.)

Every liberal principle I have that tells me to respect diversity of opinion is immediately quashed by the knowledge that I would, in the event of being among a group of air accident survivors, argue that we eat the people who like LOLcats first. I would do this even if the air accident was at Heathrow.

I wonder whether it is worth trying to compose a reasoned argument against LOLcats. Are they, after all, just a matter of taste? It isn’t hard to argue that they are sentimental (cutesy cats with baby-talk captions, QED) and it’s not much of a stretch to assert that liking them is a sign of emotional infantilism, but people are entitled to their views.

And if you deprived such people of LOLcats would they devote their creative energy to something less trite, or would they just go out and simper at Purple Ronnie cartoons instead?

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17 Responses to “LOLcats don’t make me laugh out loud”

  1. yarb Says:

    I assumed lolcats, or lolcatz, or LOLcats – whatever – were, at least to begin with, a parody of the subliteracy and nauseating kawaii culture of the net, though I’m sure 99% of those responsible for the continued perpetration of this pernicious cultural excrescence don’t see it that way.

    I still hate Purple Ronnie more, though.

  2. bloggernacleburner Says:

    Hisssssssss!

    • Anti-lolcats twitards and general teenyboppers Says:

      bloggernacleburner, you are not, nor will ever be a cat, you are a human being, start acting like one before I have to track your Ip and smack you around until you stop speaking like a feline.

  3. disgruntled Says:

    Oh god. Purple Ronnie vs. Lolcats. Do we have to choose? Isn’t there enough hate to go round?

  4. rivergirlie Says:

    hey, you’re getting all cross! tell me, did you ever see the ‘geoffrey chaucer hath a blog’ take on lolcatz (i think it was called lol pigrimz). if not, i’ll send you the link because it made me lol (snigger) x

  5. pouletnoir Says:

    I have seen it. A good parody, but not nearly critical enough of lolcats for my liking.

  6. Steve Kane Says:

    I iz in ur comments, mokking ur lolcat haetred.

    To play devil’s advocate here, although the world is awash with the kind of sentimental cutesy lolcats you speak of, there is a fair amount that focuses on surreal humour about the cat/human (slave) dynamic. Some of them are quite ingeniously mad.

    I got one today from a friend that showed a typically adorable kitty with a terribly earnest expression on its face. The caption read “Lets taek a moment… to talk abowt surprise butsecs”. It’s not all cutesy-wootsey babbah-talk

    It’s like anything: there are good, genuionely clever and funny Lolcats and there are bad, bad, bad, yucky, schmaltzy lolcats.

    Kthxbai.

  7. pouletnoir Says:

    I’m not sure you could have one without the other, and I don’t think the smooth justifies the rough, if you take my meaning.

  8. Steve Kane Says:

    But the good examples of anything are always outweighed by the shite examples.

    Or, to put it in lolcat terms, teh fail olways owtways teh win.

  9. Tom L Says:

    Good arguments for landing a cockpunch on the creator of icanhascheezburger.com. I have no problem with people who adore their pets. However, like a tartan jacket on a shivering Westie, or a scarf on an alsation, lolcats are a useful way of diffentiating between people with a harmless pursuit, and the people with a dangerous mental illness of believing that pets actually participate actively in people’s social lives. Know thy enemy!

  10. Wendy Says:

    u needz a cheesburger?

  11. pouletnoir Says:

    I can say with certainty that I do not.

  12. Lawler-ific Says:

    sad cat am sad nao yoo no liek teh LOLcatz?

  13. Shersepski Says:

    I’m with you, I hate these idiotic lolcats. I’m yet to see a funny one.

  14. JuggerKurt Says:

    LoLcats is also annoying I will yell the people who create this like the video named “Man yells at cats”

  15. Xyzzy Frobozz Says:

    I think that lolcatz just sum up the cat/owner relationship. The owner thinks that the cat is possessed of an intelligence far beyond that which the cat has, whereas the cat only has just about enough intelligence to understand the owner for what they are.

    An imbecile.

  16. pouletnoir Says:

    Mr Frobozz, I heartily agree.

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