Whilst sitting in a dreadful pub in Bridgwater I had the qualified pleasure of listening to Nelly Furtado’s I’m Like a Bird. It was difficult, over the sound of the Sky Sports channel, to work out the second line of the chorus. By the time I realised that it was “I’ll only fly away” my companion and I had already come up with several alternatives that, perhaps arrogantly, I think are superior. Nelly may have won a Grammy, but she’s no birdologist.
1. I’m like a bird, I’ll crap on your windscreen.
2. I’m like a bird, I’ll regurgitate a worm.
3. I’m like a bird, I’ll eat seed off a table.
4. I’m like a bird, I’m closely descended from dinosaurs.
5. I’m like a bird, I’ll explode if you feed me Alka Seltzer on account of being unable to burp.
